I met him in grade 9 french class while he was sitting next to a girl(you know who you are) putting paperclips in an outlet.
He texts alot so this will be much more confusing than usual as it will include what he says and she says and I'm already lost.
Anyways Ben likes unicorns. Ben says he is AWESOME(he said it loud). He is helping me write about him. Ben says to add our friend Jessica D**n(I can't actually put her last name for privacy reasons). So yeah she is fabulous. And feeds me coffee sometimes. Coffee is good.
Back to Benjamin. Although we should call him BANJAMIN. You want a reason for that? It sounds excellent. You should all f***ing agree.
He will be the star of an upcoming comic. About tanks...I can't tell you more because then there would be no point in making the comic about him and tanks.
Answer to Jessica's text to Ben : No Jessica you cannot be an animal. Your human and your interupting my writing.
A totally untrue story about Ben...
One day Ben decided that he would like a pet unicorn.
(Even I looked at him like he was crazy). Like really Ben get back in touch with reality!
Anyways he named his unicorn Sir. Spikeyspikeson. Well one day they were flying through the clouds when a flying armadello came along with a monkey(a real one) on its back. I know who woulda thought right? Ok so the monkey was all "HELP Ive been abducted by a armadello!". Ben trying to be all famous through my quiet little blog was all badass and drew his sword to battle the evil armadello. BUT he was tricked! Shocked right? It was really...
AN EVIL MONKEY!!!! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN
So Ben and Sir.Spikeyspikeson battled on for hours with the evil monkey in order to save the flying armadello. The poor armadello was traumatised by the entire ordeal and fainted on a cloud. The evil monkey lost the battle.
I wont give details of the evil monkey's death just incase someones kid reads this crap. Your welcome for saving your kid from nights of nightmares.
Afterward the victorius Ben invited the armadello and Sir.Spikeyspikeson back to his log cabin deep within an enchanted forest for beer and to watch enchanted hockey. The flying armadello turned out to be a nice fellow who also liked hockey and did the dishes since Ben doesn't like doing dishes. Oh and the armadellos name is potatoe. I don't think his mom liked him much and thought he would make a nice soup instead of a son but she was wrong because he can fly and is better than she is. Take that armadello mom. Anyways Ben, Sir.Spikeyspikeson and Potatoe joined a badass group to fight evil in the sky and in the enchanted forest because Ben is thoughtful like that and won't tolerate crazy people, creatures and drug dealing leprechauns.
Stay tuned for next weeks possible adventure!
That was part one of a possible series of Ben's adventures. He helped write part of this...ok he didn't write shit but I just typed some of what he said including text from jessica. I'm not sure why she wants to be an animal either. She has kids so she probably lost her mind like I did a while back. That happens when you have kids. I'm gonna wrap this up now. I'm sure you all need to recover from this awe inspiring post about Ben. Have sweet f***ing dreams everyone.
What do you mean untrue that sh*ts a true story. ;) haha there better be a sequel to this...... best seller! called it now..... I want royalties.
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